The St. Louis Cardinals attendance issues aren’t an excuse for what may be the worst fan promotion of the 2024 season.

Chicago Cubs v St. Louis Cardinals
Chicago Cubs v St. Louis Cardinals / Dilip Vishwanat/GettyImages

As St. Louis Cardinals fans hold onto hope that Oli Marmol’s team can make a run in the NL Central, the attendance numbers would suggest there’s less expectation this season than last that such a miraculous feat is on the horizon. The Cardinals averaged over 40,000 fans per home game in 2023. This season, that number is down to 36,000.

While certainly not a monumental difference, 4,000 fans per game over the course of 81 home contests is noticeable in the pocketbook of owner Bill DeWitt. In hopes of increasing those attendance numbers, the Cardinals have thought up the worst fan promotion I’ve ever seen. Introducing: Adult mystery jersey night.

Per the Cardinals official website, “New for 2024, it’s the Mystery Sized Cardinals Jersey, presented by Stifel! This giveaway on Saturday, June 29, when the Birds take on the Cincinnati Reds, will be the first of its kind for Cardinals fans. This mystery jersey will come in different sizes (S – XXL), and you won’t know which you will receive until you walk through the gates of Busch Stadium!”

St. Louis Cardinals mystery jersey giveaway is really dumb

Please do not misunderstand — I am not bashing a normal jersey giveaway. Those are awesome and greatly appreciated.

What I’m not a fan of is this mystery size. Rather than simply organizing the jerseys and allowing Cardinals fans to pick out a size of their choice, St. Louis ownership is removing that idea entirely. Rather, fans will be stuck with whichever size they pick. A child may get an XXL. Who cares, as long as it helps the Cards get rid of some old threads and provides fans with the assumption that they’re receiving a good deal.

The Cardinals haven’t done much right the last two years, but the least they can do is treat their fanbase with a semblance of respect. Allow them to pick a jersey which actually fits, at least until all the mediums and larges are gone in the first 30 minutes, which is traditionally how this goes.